Why Tanks Cannot Win

I say tanks cannot win because no matter what you do, no matter how many articles you read on “Bear Rotations 4.0.6”, no matter how skillfully to execute said rotation or how much stamina/avoidance/situational awareness you have – someone will always bitch that you are “doing it wrong”. Everyone will chime in that you are a horrible tank, regardless if all of your group members (healers included) are DPSing completely different mobs from the one you are on and have marked “skull”. They will tell you that you are horrendous because you don’t have instant aggro on all 6 mobs in front of you that happen to be 2-3 yards apart, spanning the entire width of that first platform in VP. One healer will scream at you to keep your butt on the wall for the duration and another will yell at you for not running out of the AOE on the same boss (Ozruk, Stonecore).

Whatever you do, it will be completely and utterly wrong. Yes, I’m talking about PUG Dungeon Finder groups where everyone is a critic. I have been forced to PUG my way to 85 (again) because all of my guildies are 1) at work 2) playing Rift 3) playing Minecraft 4) just plain not around anymore or 5) log on just for raids. Where does this leave me? In the cesspool that is the Dungeon Finder tool. I love how TotalBiscuit rails against the Dungeon Finder and has some mystical knowledge that because I’m in a raid guild that I shouldn’t have to PUG because that’s only for people who aren’t guilded. Guess what, 9 out of 10 people I see in the PUGs are in guilds. I’m in a guild but none of my guildies are available to me anymore. Am I bitter? In a word, yes. Some days I’m the only person I see on. Lonely Priest is lonely.

Anyways… I’m off on a bunny trail – back to the subject.

Tanking is a lot like a very bizarre movie from Japan called “Big Man Japan”. This is a documentary style film about a middle aged man named Masaru Diasoto who lives on his own and has made a few mistakes in his life. All he has is a tiny house and stray cat that he feeds. He lives a pretty mundane, if not depressing, life in modern Japan until a giant monster attacks the city. Once this happens, he turns into his alter ego, “Big Man Japan”, to fight the monsters. There used to be more people who could grow and fight the monsters but they fell out of favor with the public so they don’t anymore. Masaru does everything in his power to protect the city from the threat of various monsters but the people hate him for it. He may not have the best methods but he’s mostly successful and people still hate him. They think he’s a nuisance, doing more harm than good. Nothing he ever does will be praised but he still puts on his massive purple briefs to do the right thing by protecting his city.

Tanks are the “Big Man Japan” of the WoW world. We are seldom praised but always told we are doing wrong, regardless of how hard we try. The reason behind the tank shortage could most certainly be that most tanks worth their salt have good guilds to run with but I think it’s more in line with the abuse we receive on a daily (heroic) basis. I’m a good tank and I have an awesome guild… when they deign to grace me with their presence…

So, off I go back to bottom of the barrel that is LFD. I hope beyond all hope that I will get 4 patient people that will at least let me get a paw on all the mobs before going bat shit crazy. Is this a hard thing to ask?

I’m not a “fail bear”, I promise.


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