I don’t suck, I promise!

This first week of Cataclysm has been a real eye opener. I just… I am a loss of words at the stupidity of people sometimes… But, let me start at the beginning.

It was absolutely ice cold outside the night Cata came out. I had the awesome idea of going to the free standing GameStop this expansion instead of the hot one in the Mall. I did this because when Lich King came out we were awash in the body odor of the unwashed masses. It was just horrible so I thought it would be a good idea to stand outside in the fresh air. I would much rather stand in cool, clean air rather than hot, putrid air.

My BFF started bitching about it being cold so we went over to Wal-Mart to get hats and gloves. I tried on every pair of gloves they had and they only came about halfway down my palm. Wal-Mart has now confirmed that I really do have “man hands” – maybe even worse than just “man hands” since the men’s gloves didn’t fit me, either.

Back at the GameStop we waited outside for about 45 minutes in the “nerd herd” before the clock struck Midnight. Intrepid GameStop employees hustled us through the doors and handed us our little Cataclysm boxes. I had put my name on the list to get a special edition if someone canceled but it turned out I couldn’t get one until 48 hours after the release. I wasn’t willing to pay $120 just for a pet I would probably never have out.

We got home and started installing. I made my way over to battle.net for a race change. I found a female Worgen pirate in Booty Bay and just fell in love with it. My Priest got her second race change in as many years.

I was all patched and ready to go in about an hour. I customized my Worgen and off I went into the new world. I flew myself out to Blackrock Caverns to find the instance entrance and found myself surrounded by Hordies. About 15 of them from the same guild just swooped down around me – I wasn’t flagged so it must have been that I am now a Worgen. I /waved to them as I watched TotalBiscuit’s guide to finding all the new dungeon instances on my laptop.

I found it successfully and entered the LFG tool just to test out the waters a bit. I got into a very nice group with people willing to learn the fights. This would prove to be a rare occasion.

My first dungeon was spent as such:

:O pretty… Neat! A quest! That quest reward is not really an upgrade but I can DE it for new mats. Shit! I’m standing in fire. Where the hell did my mana go? Oh, I’m dead – so is everyone else. Tank is super squishy in that ICC raid gear. Hhmm I should probably put “Heal” in my rotation. OH GOD I NEED MOAR HASTE!!!!111one!!! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG just kill the boss already!!! Lazy DPS L2CC!!!!! we’re dead… *deep breath* Try again… OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG we’re dead… Try again…. OMG OMG OMG – and so on…

This put my curiosity of Cataclysm dungeons firmly to rest so I spent some time in Vash’jir where I learned about tagging a mob before everyone else. I also learned that these new mobs hit like trucks and I couldn’t withstand more than 2 on me at once. I also took stupid questions about my race change – like if Worgen are like DKs and you can start them at level 80. Um no.

I got as far as I could to get the seahorse mount only on TotalBiscuit’s recommendation on how to find the entrance to Throne of Tides. I will say that it is very pretty down there but with my depth perception that 3-D space was annoying as hell. I’ll have to go back for Loremaster but I’m not looking forward to it at all.

I got out of that horrible place and made my way to Mount Hyjal. Oh, Mount Hyjal, how I love thee! I haven’t read all of “Stormrage” yet so I was a little lost on the lore but I enjoyed it immensely. I got chills as I stood next to Ysera and I am positive my jaw hit the floor when she sent me to Malfurion.

The whole zone is a massive orgasm of Night Elf lore. I loved every page of Richard Knaak’s “War of the Ancients” trilogy and to finally see Jarod Shadowsong in game was positively amazing. I just can’t describe how much I loved it. I’ll finish “Stormrage” before doing it again so I know what’s really happening out there.

I will cut a bitch, tiny elf lady

The last quests in the series are some of the best quests I have ever done. The event at the end was awe inspiring. My only complaint would be the quest line to get the jousting pet. I hated every minute of it because the flyers didn’t move like you are used to. It was a pain in the ass.

I did enough questing in Hyjal to be able to quest Uldum – which is absolutely where I wanted to be. I am a huge nerd when it comes to Ancient Egyptian mythology and history. I have the Eye of Horus tattooed on my left arm. I spent a weekend with author William Henry in Nashville TN at an Egyptian history exhibit. I am totally in love with everything Egyptian. Uldum is like my second home. If it had a damn AH and a mailbox I would not leave it, ever. I would just spend all day fishing in the delta. But, alas, I can’t do that since the cooking daily is in Stormwind along with everything else.

The Harrison Jones quests are really cool as is all of the cutscenes. I know some people don’t like them but I think it’s really cool to see my character interacting with the NPCs and moving the story along.

A wolf in sheeps...

All the while I was still going into dungeons with random groups and with guildies. Dungeon runs with out people you know can get really tiresome because people can be straight jackasses.

I encountered a particularly odd guild run from the Korgath server. These people really must have been 15 year old boys. The following happened over the course of a Vortex Pinacle run.

Oh noes! The DK rage quit! QQ! Try healing it, you spineless asshole.

I really hope that Cata will thin the herd of stupid people. I’m fair sure it won’t but a stressed out Priest can hope. I had one Mage say that “sheep is for the weak!” I hope that guy has rage quit by now. Also, I got kicked out of my very first heroic by a bunch of scrubs because none of the dps CC’d anything and the tank took too much damage for me to heal through.

Best part of HoO - useless camel mount

I spent about a half hour crying over those assholes. I don’t suck, I promise! I used to get a little upset with myself when a dps died but now I just have to say “whatever” and keep healing the tank. It is amazing to me that a tank with 125K health can drop like a rock in such a hurry.

Cata has really given us healers the shaft. Our healing has only gotten a slight buff from level 80 and all of our spells cost 3 times as much as they did before. Disc Priests got their mana regen nerfed hard and Renewed Hope does not exist anymore. Haste has not scaled up on gear, either. I have passed on ring upgrades several times because loosing the haste that I have would be disasterous.

The same thing goes with spirit gear. For a long time my Shadow set was far better than my healing set. I honestly didn’t get a chest upgrade until I bought the blue chest with Justice Points. I sill have yet to get a new belt because the spirit one refuses to drop. I’m still rocking my 264 belt that I bought a year ago with Frost badges. Holy Paladins and Resto Druids have it easy – everything they get has spirit on it. It’s harder than hell to find cloth with spirit on it. Lorcu was saying its really hard now to find +hit cloth, as well. Either the stats are really screwed up at this point or Reforging is meant to be the gold sink in this expansion. Blizz has upped the gear from the first couple of instances so maybe its just that they gear is little “off” – we can only hope.

After a few days of assholes in PUGs I finally got to Level 85 – ready to deal with more assholes in PUGs.


One last thing, Archeology is fun and frustrating at the same time. I finally got my first rare item and my new title. It’s pretty funny to see 85’s running around in low level zones. Then you see people like this asshole who thought I “ninja’d” his artifact.


Here’s his Armory:


And yes, he still has Mongoose on his weapons. There’s just no helping some people.


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