The Laziest Priest

My friend Pony has been pestering me for a long time to run stuff together again. He managed to drag me into a TotC 10 a few weeks ago that I totally two healed with an awesome Resto Druid. (In which I met a Boomkin with zero gems and enchants who stated she was saving up for her Perky Pug pet thus no gems/enchants. *headdesk*) He’s never run with my druid before so off we went into POS with me tanking. He informs me that his mother “made him drink” and he’s a bit drunk. I love playing WOW with drunken people! I’m not sarcastic. I really do think it’s funny. 

We zone into POS because that is where he wants the SP/Crit trinket from. I am a tank so it’s an instant Q. I look over the rest of the party, especially the healer since I don’t have a guildie. It’s a Holy Priest in at least 2 pieces of t10 and the dagger from the Gunship battle in ICC. His gear score is a couple hundred points lower than my own priest but he looks competent enough. The other DPS, I have no idea. Someone was there for their Battered Hilt quest so we cleared a lot of trash to get to whatever the guy needed – looked like pallets of something or other. 

During clearing the trash on that first roadway, I began to notice something amiss. I never once saw the priest throw a Prayer of Mending and the only healing I have thus far is series of Renew. HHMMM Maybe I am not holding aggro and other people are getting attacked that he’s healed them through it? Nope, everyone at full health. I make it a point to watch my Omen more. (I am in the bad habit of not watching it at all and just looking at my Vuhdo frames to see who has aggro.) I have solid aggro on everything except when Pony gets a little crazy with his DPS but nothing I can’t handle. My health is around 48K with the priest buff, food buffs, blessing of kings and the scroll I have on. I try to be as easy to heal as possible, especially in a difficult ICC dungeon I tend to load up on all the buffs I can. My dodge is at 43% and armor at 30K, so I like to think that I’m not that hard to heal. When I have a tank to heal with over 40K health, I am ecstatic. Keeb and our new shammys both tell me I am not hard to heal. So… what the hell is the priest doing back there? He’s not getting attacked. He isn’t throwing up shadow dots or even wanding anything. His mana bar is full. WTF? Perhaps he is lagging. I really don’t want to think anything bad about another priest. I want to believe that he is doing his job or anything at all for that matter. 

On to the trash that is the guys on blue proto drakes. I don’t like these guys at all. I don’t like the glowy sword thing that he throws – that is a bitch if someone doesn’t move out of it. I am merrily tanking my little bear butt off when my screen goes RED and pulsing. I am about to die. I am seriously about to croak and the priest is just standing behind me with his thumbs up his ass. I am livid! How in the hell did this happen? Do I have a debuff? Apparently I did. He throws Guardian Spirit on me when I get to about 500 life left. Then a lazy Renew followed by a series of greater heal crits for around 15-17K a piece. I am in good shape again. I lumber on up the stairs to the frost giant underpants obsessed guy. I can tell this guy can heal – *he just did it*! He has evidently been in a raid that dropped a few bosses in ICC – just look at the dagger. If he was as teribad as he is right now, they could have found another healer. I am venting to Pony in whispers and he’s getting agitated along with me. He will totally call someone out but I tell him not to, I am too nice for that. The frost guy goes down no problem. 

We clear more trash for the hilt guy. We get to Ick and Krick after the trash. I still don’t get any Prayer of Mending or even a fucking Power Word: Shield. Nothing but Renew from this Holy priest. Does he think he’s a druid with multiple HoTs? Whatever works for him, I guess. I pull the boss. Stupid, idiot, lazy priest dies from being pursued. He just stands there and lets the boss get him. He didn’t even attempt to run! Luckily, the boss does the bomb thing you can avoid so I b-rez him and give him my Innervate before going back to bear to tank the boss again. By now, all the DPS is yelling at this wanker to heal. I can’t type out what the hell I want to because typing and tanking do not go so well together. He fucking dies AGAIN! This time in the next round of bombs because the 2 dead DPS on the ground can’t kill shit when eating pavement. It’s just me and a Paladin standing to kill the boss. I pop my Barkskin and everything else I have to survive the last 20% of this boss. We make it but only just barely. I rez the priest, Pony and the other DPS that died. It takes me awhile with my tiny tank mana pool. 

I take this time to really look at the priest’s recount as I’m rebuffing everyone and the people who died are eating. He’s only done around 100K healing this entire time, including extra trash mobs and TWO very AoE bosses. Renew is his top heal at 240. I am not sure if it counts each tick of Renew as one heal or what but 240 is a bit excessive. He did 3 Prayer of Mendings, 17 Greater Heals and 15 Flash Heals… and that is it! That was the total amount of healing he did for over half an instance! I have never seen such pure and utter laziness. I am so amazed that we made it this far. Now comes the Hill of Doom. There is no way we are going to survive this with this priest. There is absolutely no way unless he nuts up or shuts up and actually… I don’t know… HEALS… 

I am pretty pissed off by now. I try to think I don’t hold other priests to a higher standard because I am one. But I am starting to think I totally do. I loved seeing Disc Priests in low level dungeons and offered to help them if they had questions. I would get giddy at the sight of a Penance. My heart just swelled at the sight of the new priests entering our ranks. I don’t normally watch my healer in minute detail unless something bad is happening to the group. I trust they know their class or at least there the buttons for heals are. I give everyone the benefit of the doubt until proven wrong. Everyone I meet in the LFG has a clean slate with me. I don’t nitpick a Holy Pally for number of Flashes of Light or a Resto Druid for number of Rejuves. I just don’t but I watch the priests my druid meets like a hawk. I don’t mean to but I have a running commentary in my own head how I would be healing myself. Say like, “ok – tank is about to pull let me throw him a bubble and a Prayer of Mending on him”. “OK, the hunter just aggro’d, I’ll bubble him and hope he Feigns Death”. Then it turns into, why didn’t the priest bubble me and put a Prayer of Mending on me as I pulled? Why didn’t the hunter get a bubble that would have saved him for a few extra seconds? This is in addition to my tanking commentary in my head to taunt off the hunter that just pulled aggro. Is it because I know my class and how it should be played? I don’t know. I can get really bubble happy because I can with my huge mana pool and mp5 so I understand why some new priests wouldn’t. But, that being said… There’s is absolutely no reason why a T9/10 geared Holy Priest only cast Greater Heal a total of 17 times in the space of a half hour in a very damage intensive dungeon!!! 

Pressing on, I told the party I would group the casters together and not to touch them until I stop. I tell the so called priest that I am going to require more healing than just a Renew on this one. He replies: I am not Disc, I am Holy. No fucking shit! Did he think that the only thing a Holy Priest could do was an Improved Renew?! Oh my fucking god! I have Improved Renew spec’d on my Disc Priest to get to Inspiration. If I was pissed off before, I was through the roof right then. Did he really think Disc could handle it better and have higher healing in a group heal intensive environment? This place was made for a Holy Priest with Circle of Healing. If I was Holy, I would be spamming the ever-loving crap out of Circle of Healing on every cool down in combat. I have even flirted with the idea of dropping my shadow spec for Holy again. 

Pony is pissed. He’s giving the priest hell in /p. I go ahead and pull. I survive but not anyone else besides the priest. The healing gets no better. He doesn’t even attempt to cleanse the magic or diseases off of me. Pony says he’s going to vote kick if we wipe and I’m totally on board. We make it through the next pack of caster mobs with just me and the priest standing. Pony is cussing him up and down. Priest is cussing Pony back. It’s getting pretty bad. We wipe even after I burned my entire defensive cool downs and my health pot. We don’t even get the pleasure of vote kicking the R-tard priest because he leaves on his own along with the rest of the DPS. Oh, well. We Q again and in a split second with have new DPS and a very nice Resto Druid who all want to know what happened. We told them about priest of suckage and what all happened. The druid says to me that my gear and health is fine so we won’t have any problems. Into the Cave of Death we go – everything goes nice and smoothly. Pony doesn’t even pull aggro from me the whole time. We down the last boss no problem at all. I look and the druid has over 150K healing since she got here. Way more than the priest and she only did the last quarter of the instance. The good thing is that Pony’s trinket dropped and he won it. 

I wish I knew what server the Holy Priest was from but his name was Chamberlin. He’s in the Cyclone battle group so maybe I can narrow it down later if I look through the Armory. But, I don’t know if I care enough. I would love to have a talk with his GM and see if he’s that horrible all the time. This just goes to show that my best friend was right about lazy priests, they are out there and they are prepared to screw up your group.

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